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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/27147460">We were made to love</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/voices_in_my_head/pseuds/voices_in_my_head'>voices_in_my_head</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Avatar: The Last Airbender</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Day 5, Jetko Renaissance Week, Modern AU, prompt: devotion</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-10-22</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-10-22</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-06 22:06:40</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>2,251</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/27147460</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/voices_in_my_head/pseuds/voices_in_my_head</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>"It wasn’t like Zuko had never seen him cry but this felt so… Dumb.</p>
<p>Jet had anger issues. This had been true since he’d been eight and his parents had died in a car accident, with him in the backseat, and had been especially true when he’d been a teenager and angry at everyone and everything.</p>
<p>Back then, anger had felt like a familiar friend. Why shouldn’t he be angry when all the foster parents he ended up meeting got tired of him sooner or later? When all his friendships ended sooner or later?"</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Jet/Zuko (Avatar)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>4</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>69</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Collections:</b></td><td>Jetko Renaissance Week</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>We were made to love</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Jet could hear Zuko unlocking the front door and entering their apartment, but he didn’t move from where he was lying in bed, turned on his left, back to the door, not in a real fetal position, where he held onto his knees, but not stretched out either.</p>
<p>“Hey,” Zuko said as he came in and Jet made a noise, not really trusting himself to not say something rude immediately. Then he felt small pinpricks in his eyes, like they wanted to start watering, and so, took a deep breath to keep the tears at bay.</p>
<p>It wasn’t like Zuko had never seen him cry but this felt so… Dumb.</p>
<p>Jet had anger issues. This had been true since he’d been eight and his parents had died in a car accident, with him in the backseat, and had been especially true when he’d been a teenager and angry at everyone and everything.</p>
<p>Back then, anger had felt like a familiar friend. Why shouldn’t he be angry when all the foster parents he ended up meeting got tired of him sooner or later? When all his friendships ended sooner or later?</p>
<p>Nowadays, he could see that yeah, some foster parents had been more interested in the check at the end of the month than genuinely caring for the kids under their guard, while others truly had been trying their best. They just hadn’t known how to help Jet and who, truth be told, hadn’t been interested in help either way.</p>
<p>And he could tell now that some of the paths he’d led his friends down had been pretty messed up, that they were lucky they’d never ended up in jail, or worse.</p>
<p>But anger had always been easy, especially at others.</p>
<p>But eventually he’d realized that it wasn’t going to get him anywhere. No one looked at him and thought “look at that angry man, he deserves a chance, I’m going to give him one.” Jet had had to be the one making those chances happen and he had.</p>
<p>He’d started working, went to college two years later than most people did, and was now doing a masters in Structural Engineering.</p>
<p>Remembering his masters just made Jet’s stomach clench.</p>
<p>The day had started so well. Neither he nor Zuko had some godforsaken classes at 8am, so they’d just been lazy for a couple hours, going between napping, kissing and talking in low tones, about anything and everything; the latest email from Smellerbee, Azula’s progress in the clinic.</p>
<p>Just before ten am Zuko had finally gotten up, gotten Jet to do it as well, amongst groans, because unlike Zuko, he didn’t have work that day, but Zuko had just smiled and told him, <em>“I want to have breakfast with you”</em> and well, what was Jet supposed to say to that?</p>
<p>So he’d gotten up, had made scrambled eggs while Zuko made toasts and buttered them up, making fresh orange juice and a pot of coffee, with Jet making for about the 1000<sup>th</sup> time a joke about how <em>“aren’t you sure you wouldn’t prefer tea?”</em></p>
<p>At around ten thirty Zuko, dressed, teeth brushed, hair in a low ponytail, had given Jet a quick peck on the lips and left him at the counter slowly sipping his coffee, appreciating the warmth. Zuko had left and Jet had smiled, since about twenty seconds later, Zuko was opening the door, coming in again and giving Jet a real kiss, something that lasted for half a minute, a minute, long enough that they were both out of breath once they let go.</p>
<p>Then Zuko had smiled and said <em>“I’ll see you later”</em> and this time, he really had left.</p>
<p>Jet had finished his coffee, and then he’d lazily gotten dressed and gone to the gym. He’d worked out for an hour, then gone on a walk, getting some groceries because he and Zuko seemed to live meal by meal pretty much.</p>
<p>Every two weeks or so they promised this was the week they’d change, that they’d make a list of meals, buy enough food for at least seven days – how hard could it be? – and immediately fail at it.</p>
<p>Jet had finally gone home, taken a shower, eaten some leftovers and then he’d powered his laptop and continued watching <em>Night Shift</em>, a medical show about the night shift in a hospital that was more addictive than one would first think. Zuko, finishing nursing school, was very much not interested in it, so Jet only got to watch it by himself.</p>
<p>He’d watched a few episodes before he’d finally groaned and forced the tab closed, knowing that he should do at least some work for his master thesis, that while he certainly wasn’t running out of time, he also couldn’t afford to simply not give it any attention.</p>
<p>There had been an email from his advisor, which Jet had been happy to see; he’d been waiting for a reply for three days.</p>
<p>But then he’d opened and there was something wrong with his project thesis. It wasn’t something big, it was something he’d be able to fix. But that hadn’t been the message Jet had been expecting and suddenly it was like there was a fist squeezing his stomach, irritation pulsing through his veins.</p>
<p>Suddenly his day, which might not have been perfect, but had certainly been good, wasn’t all that good anymore.</p>
<p>Jet had smoked a cigarette trying to calm down, which hadn’t exactly made him feel better, what with Zuko being very much against the habit. He’d gotten Jet to reduce to a pack every couple of weeks, if that, but he wanted Jet to fully stop. And Jet was pretty sure he was going to, one day, but that was not the day.</p>
<p>So he’d smoked the cigarette and when that hadn’t worked he’d gotten a chamomile tea and gone back to his Netflix show. By the end of the episode, he actually hadn’t been feeling as bad anymore, but then the episode was ever, and he was alone with his thoughts again and it was like… Like he couldn’t control it.</p>
<p>The worst part was that this wasn’t even a big deal. It wasn’t like someone had spit on him or started a fight or… Any actual thing to deserve his anger. It was just a stupid email, something that wasn’t even bad because yeah, the project had to be reworked, but that was good, it meant making it better, but it still… It’d still put a damper on Jet’s day and he was incapable of letting it go.</p>
<p>He’d moved on to push-ups after that, then planks, but it just made his arms tremble, didn’t actually remove his anger.</p>
<p>Finally, Jet had gone to lay in bed. He’d grabbed his phone to turn on Spotify, but there was nothing he really wanted to listen at the moment. Metal music would just amplify his anger while too relaxing and he’d feel like it was babying him or something.</p>
<p>So Jet had laid in bed. And that was how Zuko had found him, not for the first time. And that really was the cherry on top of the cake.</p>
<p>Because Zuko didn’t ask what was wrong, he just went quietly about his day, not because he didn’t care about Jet, but because he knew he didn’t want to be coddled.</p>
<p>It made Jet feel even worse, that he couldn’t even… Make himself let go of his anger when something, someone, so good was right there.</p>
<p>Jet forced himself to breathe slower, to only inhale every three seconds.</p>
<p>He heard Zuko shower, then curse when he hit his elbow somewhere, as he usually did, which made Jet smile, something there and gone just as fast.</p>
<p>Zuko came out of the bathroom and Jet heard him get dressed. Then he laid down beside him, but he didn’t touch him.</p>
<p>“Hey,” Zuko repeated himself and Jet, still feeling the pinpricks in his eyes, forced himself to turn around. This was absolutely not Zuko’s problem; Jet refused to make him feel bad for something that was messing him up.</p>
<p>Zuko gave him a soft smile and Jet replied with his own. It didn’t even feel forced, not around Zuko.</p>
<p>“Do you want me to tell you about my day?” Zuko asked and Jet immediately nodded, both hands underneath his left ear and Zuko still on his back, his hands on top of his stomach.</p>
<p>“Well, I had an eight-year-old ask me about my scar.”</p>
<p>Jet grimaced at that, even though he knew Zuko was far more annoyed about the adults who stared, but didn’t say anything.</p>
<p>“What did you tell them?” Jet asked, knowing that Zuko would never tell a child the truth, that he’d been hurt by his own father.</p>
<p>Zuko turned his face and smiled, something big and amused. “That I lost a fight against a dragon.”</p>
<p>Jet barked a laugh though he didn’t know why he was so surprised. Zuko had once told a child that he’d spent his childhood in the fairy realm, and that the only way fairies would know he was one of them was through the scar.</p>
<p>“What did the kid say?” Jet asked, genuinely enthralled by the story.</p>
<p>“He said I was lucky I survived,” Zuko said and this time he didn’t sound so happy. Jet made a noise in his throat, not even sure himself what it was, wiggling on the bed so he could touch Zuko, puts his toes against his calf, a hand on top of his and his face against his neck, nuzzling it.</p>
<p>“I’m sorry,” he said.</p>
<p>“He wasn’t wrong. I am lucky,” Zuko said and Jet just nuzzled him again. That wasn’t right; Zuko shouldn’t have to feel lucky he’d survived his childhood, that he’d survived his father.</p>
<p>Zuko pulled a hand up, lightly touching Jet’s chin, so that he let go of his neck and they could stare at each other. Though with so little space between them, they were both about to go cross-eyed.</p>
<p>“I feel lucky every day I’m with you.”</p>
<p>Jet smiled, moved so that he could kiss Zuko. “I love you too,” he said once he’d moved back.</p>
<p>“Good,” Zuko said, smiling.</p>
<p>Jet frowned, “I’m sorry.”</p>
<p>Zuko didn’t ask about what. This wasn’t exactly a non-regular occurrence, which made Jet feel even more ashamed, though at least the worse he usually did was brood. If he ever hurt Zuko… He clenched a fist just thinking about it.</p>
<p>“Don’t be sorry,” Zuko said and he turned so that now they were both on their sides. “Don’t be sorry,” he repeated, moving his face forward to rub their noses together.</p>
<p>Jet could feel those damn pinpricks at his eyes again, but forced them back, even though he knew Zuko wouldn’t care if he cried. Would only want to make it better.</p>
<p>“I want to do better. For you,” Jet forced the words out.</p>
<p>Zuko leaned back so they could look at each other without going cross-eyed.</p>
<p>“I’m messed up too,” was what he chose to say and Jet smiled involuntarily. It wasn’t funny at all; he knew that there were days Zuko didn’t want to get out of bed, that sometimes loud noises made him jump, that he was vegetarian for more reasons than just for the environment and because Aang kept sending them news about the mistreatment of animals. “Do you want me to apologize for it?”</p>
<p>“No!” Jet immediately exclaimed, halfway to getting up, ready to fight Ozai for making Zuko even think something like that, like he should apologize about his own abuse.</p>
<p>But Zuko just grabbed his arm and pulled him back down. “Then I don’t want you to feel like apologizing either. I know you’re trying.”</p>
<p>Jet didn’t say anything right away, back to laying on his side, turned to Zuko.</p>
<p>“I am,” he finally said.</p>
<p>“I’m trying to be better too,” Zuko said and it sounded like a promise. Jet wanted to tell him <em>“you’re already perfect”</em> but he knew that was too much. That that was ignoring every imperfection that Zuko did have. Jet simply loved all those imperfections too.</p>
<p>There were a lot of things Jet could say to that, all of them true, such as <em>“you make me better”</em> but as much as Zuko might appreciate the thought, he also knew that there was something too strong in it, that it was putting too many expectations on Zuko, like he was Jet’s rock and without him he’d crumble. And while Jet certainly didn’t like to think on what his life would be like without Zuko in it, he refused to make him feel like he was trapped, like he had to stay.</p>
<p>Just like Jet knew Zuko thought the same, that there were things they didn’t say to each other, not because they didn’t feel them, but because it was putting too much responsibility on the other person.</p>
<p>What they had was love and there was devotion in it too but they’d both seen too much to ever let it get unhealthy, to get to obsession.</p>
<p><em>Trying</em> sounded just right.</p>
<p>“I love you,” Jet said again and Zuko kissed him.</p>
<p>“I love you too,” he said and Jet didn’t feel angry anymore. He still had to deal with his project thesis and he needed to find a healthier way to deal with his anger, but right now… Right now he was good. He was happy. He kissed Zuko again and focused on that.</p>
<p> </p>
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